Timely Patience

You know that you are getting older when the young kids in the grocery store line call you ma'am as they are bagging up your Oscal and Fiber One cereal, and you get these emails concerning your 20th year high school reunion. As I look back on the last twenty years I wonder where the time went? When I was a kid, I remember waiting for special events to take place in my life, and I would have a count down list for each of them. The first one being my driver's license and being able to drive. I started counting that one when I was 8. Then, I remember counting down when I would graduate from high school. Most of my family and friends will tell you that I am a planner. Lists keep me straight at times, and have gotten me in to trouble at other times. When things do not go according to my plans (which happens quite a lot), it throws me for a loop. That is the time that God is trying to teach me to do His will, not mine. This lesson is one that I have experienced many times. Anyway, where was I. . .Oh, yes, time. . . where has it gone??? Today I had the lovely experience of having my annual checkup. The young doctor suggested that it was now time to have a mammogram seeing that I have several cases of cancer that run in my family, and the fact that I had a run in with the disease myself a few years back. I hear that it is not a pleasant experience to endure. The usual questions were asked and then from out of the blue, I was hit with a question that has never been asked before. . . .I wondered if I was hearing things clearly (another sign that I am getting older). . .She says. . ."When did your mom go through menopause?" I looked at her and with a dumb and startled expression on my face said "What?" No need to worry she says, according to the doctor, I will likely follow my mother's pattern in this area of unexpectedness. At this point I am doing some lightning fast calculations in my head. What's that saying about payback??? Well, if it is true then I am going to have a good one! All of the times I would roll my eyes at mom when she would complain about being hot, or have some sort of hormonal outburst. . .this might be a little scary. Okay, I have a few more years of somewhat normalcy, I guess. Maybe it will hold off until after my reunion. I have lost quite a bit of weight since the baby was born in September. I would like to look and feel my best at that time. The picture that I included was one from last year when we had our reunion of 16 years. Of course, it is all in God's time not mine. That is what I have to continue to remind myself about. He is my God and my maker.
On a side note, if you are reading this. . .you should come to our church this Sunday. . .Great Breakfast. . .Great message. . .Great fellowship!!!! (Calvary Baptist Temple. . .Raleigh, NC)

Marching to the Beat

Only my closest and dearest friends would know that I have a very well-kept secret. You would have to know that I come from a very interesting family situation that influenced the way I see life and the way I relate to others. When I was five, my mother and father divorced, leaving my mother to pack us up and moving us to Bigger Better Burlington. Dealing with a nasty divorce, child custody/alimony issues, and unemployment, my mother had more problems than you can ever imagine. With that said, I grew up under my older sister's care and my younger brother's attention getting actions. Saying more might be a little too much, considering the possibility that he could be reading this. I guess you could say that I was the typical middle child who was trying to fit in and learn where her place was in the family and the world around. Rule following was my game and sticking out was my name! Instead of getting in to trouble, I was the overachiever who entered every contest, sang in the talent shows, danced, ran for SGA president, and even raced BMX bicycles! I know what you are thinking, and no, that is not the secret! The longing in my heart was to be noticed, loved, and nurtured. Things that I was obviously missing from my life at home. I found that place when I entered the band in my middle and high school years. So, here's my secret. . .I am a complete, committed, crazy, BAND NERD!!! The band was my family. It was like a secret association that only people of like minds entered. It did not matter what your background was, your band family looked out for you and took care of you if you were having a problem. You were in the loop! Once I left school and went to college, I tried to get involved with the band. It wasn't the same. It reminds me of that song "Strawberry Wine", where the she sings about the time that has drifted away and how you look back on that time with fondness. The weird thing is that I still wish that I could go back and march or play with my friends. . .just one more time. I have dreams about getting ready to march onto the field. . .the cadence call. . .hearing the announcer say "Welcome the Marching CHS Cavaliers!". . .Wearing my freshly polished white marching shoes. . .my crisp clean uniform with my yellow plume sticking correctly from my hat. . .rolling my feet 8 to 5. . .horns at the press box. . .the cheers. . .the sweat. . .the tears. . .then I wake up. I feel an emptiness inside. Here's the catch. . . if I could dream and dream big, then it would be to send out a message to all of the CHS band alumni. . .we could form a band and march at homecoming and parades. . .practice some throughout the year. . .have a few socials and visit one another. Yeah, I am a nerd when it comes to my band family. . .but of course, I have always marched to the beat of a different drummer most of my life.

Snow Much Fun!

Do you recall the moments of your childhood when you would go to bed and lie there hoping that when you would awaken from your slumber that the ground would be covered with soft downy snow crystals? Your heart and soul would pray that your parents would come to your room and tell you that school had been canceled and it was a snow day. Mom would pull out the big blue Tupperware bowl and place it on the old LTD Station Wagon and it would begin to collect the cold snowy crystals that would later be used to make the delicious snow cream that we would wait with anticipation to eat. Layer upon layer of clothing would be thrown on haphazardly, only to rush out the back door into the winter wonderland. "Keep your toboggan on!" my mom would yell. Oh, I remember the many times that I wanted to create the perfect "Frosty the Snowman", but I never seemed to have the right things to make him look like the one on TV. Most of the time I would just tire out and my Frosty would be one big blob of snow. Then, my brother would make his presence know by knocking down my beautiful creation. By that time, we were usually cold, tired, and in need of some warmth. We would pile into the house with our dripping clothes and strip down. Our toes were frozen and our cheeks were rosy, but we did not care. It was snow much fun! Today I had the joy of seeing my children hop out of their beds and rush to the windows in the same way that I had when I was a child. Caroline dropped to the ground, like she had seen on Barney, and began to make snow angels. Joshua, being the big brother that he is had to toss around a few snowballs that unfortunately made its way to his little sister. Baby Christian was just chillin' in the car seat watching intently at all that was taking place. It really was snow much fun!!! P.S. There is more to come on Sunday :-)

Picture Pages

Being the photo freak that I am, I was chomping at the bit to upload a photo to my blog page. Unfortunately, I could not wait for my new photos to load on my computer, so I had to use photos that were taken before Christmas. Ah, Patience is a virtue. One that I am still trying to acquire. So, here we are. . .Caroline, Mommy, and Joshua before the Raleigh Christmas Parade. With a little craftiness and a whole lot of glue we made these Christmas sweatshirts for the kids. They used their hand prints to make a reindeer, and I used green ribbon for the trim work. They were really cute, and very comfortable. The only downside to this project was the fact that red sweatshirts are very hard to find in 3-6 month sizes. As a result, Baby Christian did not get to make his. We had to improvise with his outfit. Since he and Joshua were born around the same season, we had many Christmas outfits that we could use to coordinate with the kids. Just look at that cute little face! He could melt the icicles off of a reindeer's antlers :-)
What wonderful children God has given us. I just can not believe how blessed we are. I can remember my sister telling me how much love you have for your child and that it is like no other love you will experience in your life. I could not understand exactly what she was talking about until I had children of my own. Your heart is so full of love and the need to give your child a lifetime of love and protection. My prayer is that they too, will look back on these times and remember the love of the season or day. People sometimes use that old cliche, "A picture is worth a thousand words." Yes, there are many things that you can say or think when looking back at these wonderful pictures. I hope that my kids will be able to recall those "picture perfect" moments that we have shared, and be able to pass that along to their children as well. A heritage that will last forever. Just like the images in a picture.

Childhood

On every Friday afternoon there is an air of excitement that builds starting from the moment the alarm clock rings in the morning until around 3:45 in the afternoon. At that moment (3:45) you will be able to tell from the expression on Joshua's face what the night will bring. . .You see, as a non-parent, I believed whole-heartedly that children should not be rewarded for their good work in school; It was expected. As a parent now, I have changed my ways of thinking. . .or maybe they, (the kids), have changed my way of thinking! We always try to have a special time with each of the kids, however, when Joshua began to make careless mistakes on his reading and spelling tests on Friday, we decided to have a special rewards system for him. This week his reward was to go with Mommy to see Charlotte's Web and go to Cold Stone for ice cream afterwards. Each reward is not as elaborate as this one. Anyway, as the movie was winding down and Charlotte went to the big web in the sky, Joshua moves over in my lap and begins to cry. My heart was melting. The credits begin to roll and the music was playing and he begins to cry once again. We talked about his feelings and what was going through his mind at that moment and shared our feelings together. Thinking about this now, I wonder how long the innocence of my child will last. His compassionate heart is a treasure beyond words. There are so many people who take that innocence away from their children. Kids are forced to grow up by pushing them into sports, music lessons, dance lessons, and so forth. Having kids involved in these activities is not bad if there is moderation. When are they allowed to be just a kid? What happened to the wonder of exploring outside and building mud pies with dirt. Riding bikes and playing in a fort until the light of day has subsided? My child may not be the roughest, the MVP, most talented dancer, next Olympic Gymnast, American Idol, or any other talent. My child is just that, a child. A little boy who has a great imagination and who has the compassion to feel and to love and to just be. He is our wonderful little boy that we love dearly.

A Moment in Time

Have you ever had one of those moments in time in which you passively make a comment that means no more than the breath that departs from your lips? I had one of those moments today. Six o'clock arrives like a locomotive out of control in our home each morning. This morning was no different. As I hopped out of bed and headed for the kitchen I heard a strange sound coming from my son's radio. . .beep,beep,beep. As I tuned in to the sound, I realized that there was a weather alert for our area. Glancing out the window, I noticed that the ground was soaked with water, and the wind was coming down in sheets. At that moment, I knew I was going to have a grand time trying to get three kids in the car, buckle them in car seats, and drive to school. . . on time! I rubbed my eyes and grabbed my coffee cup with enthusiasm. I was definitely going to need that jolt of caffeine this morning. As the cinnamon rolls were pulled out of the oven, my husband casually walks in the kitchen and grabs a few of the rolls, minus the icing. As he was turning to leave, our eyes lock, and he tells me, like he does every morning, that he loves me. With all of the kitchen activities taking place I tell him the same and say "be careful; it is messy out there". Later that morning, as I was listening to the Old Testament books of the Bible song for the eighth time since leaving my driveway, I approached my son's school. . .almost there. As I crossed the Neuse River Bridge, like I had done thousands of times in the past eleven years to get to work, a warning signal went off in my mind. "Always leave enough room in front of you and the next person when you get stopped on the bridge." Throughout the many years that I have traveled this bridge there have been countless accidents that have resulted in very serious injuries. This bridge is a nemesis. My van was almost at a complete stop behind a car that was already stopped on the bridge, and then it happened. . .a flash, a jolt, a shock. We had been hit from behind. Immediately think. . . It was one moment in time and no one was hurt. A moment when we tell the one we love to be careful. A moment to console and love one another. A moment that we can not take for granted.

Drifting

Dreamscape is a pretty unusual name for a blog considering the fact that I am sitting here at 5:00a.m. unable to sleep. How unfortunate! As I tossed and turned last night, trying to find that peaceful slumber, I began to ponder the reasons that I was unable to find rest. Of course, when you have to awaken around 4:30a.m. to feed an infant, you find yourself in a very percarious situation. . .fall asleep or suffer the consequences. . . you will be a walking Zombie the next day. So, here I am writing about the causes of me not sleeping last night. As I hopped out of bed this morning :) (4:23a.m. no less) I decided that sleep would come no more for me. So, I took my bath, fixed my hair, make-up, etc., etc., and I even cooked a good ole' Southern breakfast for my kids. . .bacon, eggs, and grits(instant-sorry!). In my book, I would consider that being very productive. Surely, I will fall into bed tonight exhausted from the day's activities, but for now, I am enjoying the few minutes of "alone" time that I have. So, why no sleep, you ask? Maybe the sheep were out to pasture? The cause I feel is the realization that I begin to think too much at night. Recreating the day's actions, the people I have talked to, things I should of done, could of done. . . Instead of drifting to sleep, I feel as if I am drifting on a boatload of ideas and thoughts. Maybe if I contemplate these things more before the day's end, I would drift into the sleeping realm a lot faster. HMMMM that is certainly something to think about, isn't it?

Rose-Colored Bliss

Ok fellows! It is that time of year again. If you have checked your local drugstore, I am sure that you have noticed that the heart shaped chocolates are already stocked and waiting to be purchased. What's that? Do I hear teeth chattering and heels knocking? Is it fear that has your heart quaking? Well, help is on the way for you! For most of us (the female persuasion), we do love to be indulged in the area of sweet treats (chocolates) that is. However, there are many other possiblilies that require your attention. Lets start with the romantic ambiance that is never far from hand. A candle lit dinner, our favorite dinner menu, slow music (mine would be Eric Clapton), and a little dancing. Is it that hard to recreate? Never! How about a song that would be written for that someone special, or a hand-written card that endears your soul to one another? So, many possibilities. Just last night, as I was watching the re-runs of the show Heroes, I noticed that one of the characters has a unique quality. . .he can hear what others are thinking. Way cool, right? His wife certainly thought so. He was able to anticipate everything she wanted: a quite evening, a candlelit dinner, even ice cream and coffee. I am sure you know where this is going. A relationship is like a flower. It (the flower) needs water, sunlight, air, and lots of love and attention. A relationship is very similar. If we continue to go through our lives with rose-colored glasses attached to our faces, we will miss all of what live has to offer us in our relationships. I am not saying that we must walk with rose petals beneath our feet; I am saying that we must color our lives with the love and attention that will allow our relationships the chance to bloom. Bliss is a state of mind that everyone can attain if we pay attention and listen to the ones around us that we love.