Picture this!

So, this week I was talking with some other moms at Ms. Ann's (Caroline's Dance Class) about picture taking. Being the scrapbook junkie that I am, with the mention of the word pictures caused my ears and eyes to perk up immediately! You would think that I was some sort of hound dog about to tree a coon. Anyway, the topic of conversation was photography establishments and which ones were better than others. Having three kids, I felt like I was highly competent in answering these questions. So, I decided to describe to them about my last photo shoot at Portrait Innovations. Most people would agree that you get tons of pictures for the money that you pay. However, what you don't realize (until you are smack dab in the middle of it) is that there is a definite process to this whole thing. . .a very long and painful process. This is how it usually starts: A phone call from me, of course, trying to schedule the best possible time for my kids. Accounting for nap schedules, meal times, poop/potty training issues, early morning waking times, closing times, cranky times, and that slightest possible window of opportunity where there could be a happy time. That is the appointment that I would really like to get! Also, take into consideration that my spouse usually has something more pressing to attend to on the day that I schedule the appointment. . .like getting his ingrown toe nails pulled out of their sockets. As the happy day arrives, inevitably, there is some sort of crisis that I have to overt. They tend to range from frizzy hair dos, the accidental chocolate drop on the shirt, toothpaste fights, black colored underwear under white clothes, a potential scrape from the brawl that just occurred, and the dropping of all of the nicely pressed clothes in the occasional mud puddle that was formed mysteriously outside over night. . .with no rain in sight! If Santa could see me driving, I am sure that he would be proud of my instructions. . .Stop Joshua! Get Down Caroline! Sit On Your Seat Now! Don't pull Her Hair! We Do Not eAt buggers! With a smile pasted on my face I enter the store with my entourage in tow. I have given each of them "the talk". It usually goes something like this. . ."We will not run around the store will we? We will use our inside voices and will not take any toys away from the other kids that are there. We will not fuss, cry, or fight with each other. Do you understand?" Much to my surprise (yeah, right) they have somehow gotten behind schedule and we have to wait 30 minutes before the room is ready for us. Tension begins to rise and my chest tightens. I can already see how this thing is going to play out. Beginning to pace back and forth, I realize that Caroline has decided to have a Lego throwing match with the kid next to her. Unfortunately, the lady beside her was not excited about this because she got hit square in the head with the big red Lego plane. As I grabbed CAroline's hand I noticed that Baby Christian had dumped his Cheerios all over the floor, and the Toddler standing next to him was now eating the tasty morsels. Rushing over to clean them off of the floor, I turned to see that Joshua had somehow wondered off to who knows where. Panic floods over me as I grab the stroller and Caroline's hand to find out where he had gone. After searching the area I spotted him in the computer/printing room spying the equipment. After reprimanding him he informs me that he knows how to take that stuff apart and he learned it at Camp Invention this summer. Ah, that is another story indeed! The Heavenly angels trumpet the announcement that our room is now ready and we enter. . . But there is a problem. . .Caroline has decided that she does not want her picture taken, and Christian has crawled off to pull down the white toy bench. After pulling them both back into the picture area, the kind lady with a tongue piercing, comments on how lively my kids were. She doesn't even know the half of it! If Vogue were there to witness this photo shoot they would have seen attitude, pouts, and grand kid style. Oh my! Leaving this room with the kids exhausted from their posing, the lady informs me that I will have to go through all 72 poses in order to pick out the ones that I want. Of course, I would have to wait 10 minutes more for them to load on to the computer. So, I strap the baby in the stroller, I bribe Caroline with a sucker, and I threaten Joshua not to move an inch. This tactic is only know to work about 5-7 minutes tops. Somehow, I make my way through the pictures and try to select the ones that are the best. This is like trying to pick someone out of a police line up and not making a mistake. Plus, you've got your three little Houdini's trying to pull an escape trick in the process. The moment arrives and you are ready to pay the bill. A silent prayer goes up to God that I have not surpassed the allotted amount that I was supposed to spend. A war of reasoning begins to unfold. . .Mark, they were so good, that one was so unique, it's a once in a lifetime shot, they'll only be this age once. . . Happily, I hand the clerk my Debit card and check out with a smirk on my face. As the bell rings when I open the door to leave, I hear a collective sigh of relief from everyone there, including myself. Unfortunately, I have at least another 30 minutes to wait because the pictures have to print. I tell myself that I will never do this again, but I have said that before, haven't I? What's that saying about being a glutton for punishment?